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Friendship beyond convenience

 Who Really Stays?

We are born into families without choice, but friendships are chosen. And maybe that is exactly why friendships become such an important part of life. We need people around us who make life feel lighter, people we can lean on, laugh with, sit with without effort, and simply feel understood by. Sometimes they belong to our own age group, sometimes they don’t, but certain people naturally form a comfort around us, and having such friends around is genuinely a delight.

But of late, I’ve been thinking more deeply about friendships and what actually makes them real.

Of course, talking, chatting, having fun, spending time together, all these things matter. But over a period of time, friendships survive more on longevity, honesty, commitment, and whether people genuinely stay by each other’s side, not just when things are convenient for them.

True friendship, to me, is also about mental wavelength. Sharing thoughts openly. Agreeing sometimes, disagreeing honestly at other times, but still remaining genuine towards each other. Not betraying each other.

That, to me, feels like true friendship.

Now, I have had good bonds since childhood, but I never really made extremely close friends during my school years, and somewhere I do regret that. Maybe I was too occupied with academics. Maybe I never really went out much with friends. My family also did not give me that kind of space where friendships became such a large emotional part of life.

But the moment I entered college, I formed a group. And then came group politics, which honestly continues everywhere, even professionally.

When I observe friendships now, whether between colleagues after school or office hours, I notice different layers to it. Some friendships remain limited to professional spaces. Outside work, people rarely meet. Then there are those friendships where people travel together, spend weekends together, go on trips, and appear emotionally very close.

But even then, does that decide truthfulness? Does that decide honesty? Does that decide who will truly stand beside us when life becomes difficult?

That is where the confusion begins.

Because I have also come across people who appear like close friends, portray friendship beautifully, remain socially connected, but when the actual time comes, they step back, go against you, betray you, or even create trouble for you.

Somewhere while growing up, I remember hearing a line often said at home — that we recognise true friends when we no longer have money, status, or anything to offer them. When there is no benefit attached to staying, yet they still remain beside us.

Maybe that is the real test of friendship.

Not celebration.
Not convenience.
Not social closeness.
But presence during difficult times.

So somewhere the lesson learnt becomes this: one should not open up too easily to people. One should not trust too quickly until people actually prove themselves reliable.

But then another question arises:
how does one really decide who is reliable?

That is something I still cannot answer.

Not that I have lost trust in friendships completely. I do have friends who have genuinely stood by my side and remained there in times of need. But it is still difficult sometimes to fully understand people and relationships.

At the same time, I also feel that perhaps one way of finding good friends is by becoming a good friend yourself. Maybe we also have to become what we expect others to be — honest, trustworthy, emotionally present, and available when someone truly needs us.

Because somewhere friendship is not only about finding the right people, but also about being the kind of person someone can rely on.

And perhaps, in the end, friendship is less about who spends the most time with us, and more about who quietly stays when life stops being easy.


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