Skip to main content

The restless middle

 The Restless Middle: Between Who I Was and Who I’m Becoming


There comes a stage in life — somewhere in the quiet bend of midlife — when the mind stops running on autopilot. Things you once accepted without question suddenly demand answers. Habits you’ve carried for years begin to feel heavy. And the routine that once brought comfort now asks for reinvention.


For the last few months, I’ve been sitting with this restless feeling. It’s as if I’m pushing myself to do things I don’t always want to do, while also dreaming of what’s next — the next idea, the next adventure, the next chapter.


It’s funny because I’ve always been the one to try something different — always exploring, creating, stepping into new spaces. And by grace, so much has come from that instinct: the Reading Club, the promotion, the recognition, the love from students, opportunities that showed up simply because I said, “Let’s give this a try.”


Then there are my students — they’re living proof that passion multiplies. An IAS officer. An actor-director. A filmmaker. Engineers, army officers, pilots… maybe even a rising politician somewhere. Every time I see one of them succeed, I feel a quiet pride. Not because I taught them something monumental, but because I witnessed their growth.


But midlife has a way of changing things. Even with achievements around me, there’s a subtle shift — a questioning, a discomfort, a new layer of self-awareness.


I see it in myself more than ever now.


Where I used to be patient, I find my tolerance shrinking. Where I said “yes” easily, I now ask, “But why should I?” Where I adjusted without thought, I pause and wonder, “Is this true alignment or just compromise?”


Maybe it’s the hormonal dance — the familiar whispers of shifting estrogen. Maybe it’s the emotional weight — years of being strong, flexible, responsible. Or maybe it’s just age — a natural shedding of old habits that no longer fit.


Then there’s the generational gap, especially with my son. He lives light. Easy. Unburdened. His generation doesn’t want lectures or advice disguised as wisdom. They use a language of “healthy” and “unhealthy” so different that it sometimes feels like two worlds talking.


And sometimes I think, maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m the one taking things too seriously. Maybe their lightness isn’t carelessness — maybe it’s freedom.


I’m learning to accept that too.


Midlife isn’t a crisis — it’s a recalibration. A balancing act between who I was and who I’m becoming. A moment when silence grows louder, emotions sharpen, and self-awareness deepens.


It’s uncomfortable, yes. But it’s also beautiful.


Because for the first time in years, I’m not just living life.


I’m finally listening to it.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When silence becomes a cry

  When Silence Becomes a Cry: Reflections on a Child’s Inner World The recent news of a student’s suicide in Delhi has left a heaviness in my heart that I cannot shake off. It forces me to look beyond headlines and into the shadows where a child’s unseen emotions often sit quietly, waiting — sometimes too long — to be heard. As teachers and parents, we find ourselves asking the same painful questions: Who went wrong? When did it go wrong? How does a child reach a point where ending life feels easier than living it? Children today live in a world far more complicated than the one we grew up in. We like to believe that they are protected, loved, pampered, and supported — and many of them are. Yet, beneath that comfort lies a silent pressure. Their minds are overloaded with expectations, comparisons, judgments, and fears they don’t know how to explain. A child rarely says, “I am scared” or “I feel ashamed.” Instead, he withdraws, hides behind a smile, or breaks down over something...
Post a Comment
Read more

calmness in the face of destiny

  Calmness in the Face of Destiny We often come across conversations about astrology, hard work, destiny, and the paths we choose in life. There are people who are astrologically not aligned, yet they decide to make their own destiny—sometimes by working tirelessly, sometimes by accepting situations as they come, and at other times by simply choosing not to react. They stay calm, pray, chant, and draw strength from an invisible power. And strangely enough, these practices truly help. Looking back at my own journey, I often wonder how I passed through certain testing times—whether it was a personal challenge or a difficult situation with a dear one. Somewhere, I’ve realized that the images of gods we keep around us, the symbols of faith that we carry, add to our inner strength. There is an aura, a protective energy, that holds us steady when we feel shaken. After watching the play Hamare Ram, I reflected deeply on the character of Lord Rama from the Ramayana. His life is the g...
2 comments
Read more

The great power play

  The Great Power Play: Where Do We Stand? Power—whether political, economic, or psychological —has always fascinated humankind. Every individual aspires to rise high enough to influence decisions, shape narratives, and dictate terms. That’s human nature. In governance, this instinct materializes through political parties—groups formed on shared beliefs and interests. On paper, it’s simple civics. In reality, it’s an intricate web. We call ourselves democratic. We vote with care. We choose wisely. Yet, despite the promise of representation, citizens often remain caught between conflicting interests when two opposing parties shape the nation’s discourse. The ruling party pushes its agenda; the opposition challenges it. While criticism keeps the ruling bodies in check and drives them to work harder, the motivations are rarely altruistic. After all, human beings, by nature, gravitate toward self-interest. Zoom out to the global stage, and the power play becomes even more pronounced. ...
Post a Comment
Read more